Communication is really hard.

To me, communication is to say something that you’re thinking to someone else, and in order to do that, you have to be less focused on how they respond, and instead more focused on letting them know things inside you that they couldn’t know otherwise.

Unfortunately, this part is purely one-way. Different types of people can have different responses to the same statement or question. Even more, people can respond differently depending on whether they had a bad day or not.

Early on in my life, a few different situations happened where my poor communication led to someone or some people being very upset with me and hurting me in retaliation. This taught me that I need to be extremely careful about what I say to people. This taught me to pay close attention to how people respond, in order to figure out how to get responses that would not get me hurt in retaliation. It also led me to being obsessive about the small things I did that might upset people. When I was more focused on getting the best response from people, I was less concerned with how I actually felt. I lied a lot more, and still do by habit, to maintain a positive vibe in the conversation. Eventually, this led to me feeling less and less authentic about who I was and the people I hung around. I often wanted to say more, but held my tongue because I was afraid of what people would think.

This type of behavior in hindsight was unsustainable. And it had all to do with my own experiences with communication. Who’s to say that a different person wouldn’t simply appreciate a critical comment from someone close to them. For such a long time, I’d been convincing myself that everybody would lash out at me if I communicated what I was actually thinking, even if it was critical of what they were doing. Some people might, some people appreciate it. By holding myself back, I drained my energy and felt less authentic about myself.

So, more recently, I’ve been more intentional about communicating more authentically with people close to me what I actually think, and dealing with the consequences. Sometimes, it does cause the other person to lash out, but instead I face it head-on, and usually find some way to recover back to a neutral understanding.

This is a much better long-term approach. Though the discussions occasionally get heated, the relationships feel more real. We’re allowed to talk to each other about what’s on our mind, and are patient enough to come to an understanding.

Last thought, it’s probably avoided because the short-term pain is high.

In general, I agree with this phrase:

short-term pain, long-term gain

short-term gain, long-term pain